36.

so im seriously procrastinating going to bed. i really need to because otherwise im going to be exhausted all day tomorrow and not have the energy to start my extreme clean of the house endeavor. but i just really enjoy my alone time watching family guy and other various whacky late night tv shows.

i had some cheap sushi from kroger for dinner. not bad since i havent had omi in a long time.

ok i have to go to bed after this episode i HAVE to.

misty is coming over thursday around one to watch lana while i do some uninterupted cleaning. then shes staying over so we can chill and have a few drinks. then lana has a dr appt friday morning, and ryan may or may not be working.

and im so not excited for next week. my mom gets into town monday night, were going to sleepy hollow ntl. park where shes camping out for steaks tuesday night, im hosting dinner for my mom and ryans parents so they can meet wednesday, and i will probably be having a light dinner with just my mom thursday night. then shes leaving friday morning.

i applied at macys, but they sent me an email essentially saying i wasnt qualified for any available positions. so today i applied to babies r us. so who knows where ill apply when they turn me down! ryans looking at stuff too. hopefully we'll figure something out! i would love for us to one day have a second car.

and now it looks like our roommate wont be leaving until mid-july, as opposed to the mid-june he had said before.

ok, so i will leave on this note:
GO RED WINGS!! game 3 tomorrow

35.

i hate enviromentalists. I don't feel global warming in a threat because i have faith in God, and God wouldn't let us destroy his planet. Therefore, we cannot stop global warming, and global warming wont destroy us. I'm not saying it doesnt exist, i just don't think its relevant, and we shouldnt be putting so much worry into it.

ryan got me a new texting package for my phone, 250 texts/mo for like $5, and im pretty sure im going to use all of them almost completely on misty. we text like crazy texters.

ok well time to go to bed and what not. i start my extreme cleaning tomorrow. woo hoo not so much.

34.

i see myself slippng into a state of cutting myself off from the world again. i dont know why. i guess when i feel let down or really stressed, like im not living up to expectations, it makes me want to stop being around anyone who would have expectations. it makes me want to drop everything and everyone to bury myself in taking care of ryan and lana.

im at that place where physical exhaustion and mental exhaustion are melding into one tired existence. maybe ryan is right, maybe im not ocd about things, but i am a control freak. because it seems more and more like when things dont follow the strategic plan i had layed out, i just lose it.
i feel like im not good enough to do the things i thought i could do. i feel like im not me anymore, yet i cant get away from the person i was. im in a limbo of sorts. im not depressed, but im not overjoyed either. but i wouldnt say i was mellow or melancholy. im not angry. im just floating in an emotionless apathetic dream world.

i started smoking again. never around lana, and never when im not drinking. but i have started having a drink when i normally wouldnt almost as an excuse to smoke.

wedding in traverse on saturday. so were spending the weekend up north. hopefully it will relax me and help me get out of this funk.

33.

flakey
flakey
pot pie crust.

man there are some big people in the core.

so im thinking tomorrow isnt going to be fun times.
hectic for me, im going to be toting lana and a bunch of her stuff all around holt
and i dont even know where im going!

so im stressin.
and our room mate if out of town, bad weekend.
so im trying to destress

jagerbombs & smirnoff ice
meets
smokey the bear

i love my new phone
and we might take out a loan for a new car. we need one, and its hard to pass up $2.99/gal for 12,000mi/yr for 3 years plus a lifetime powertrain warrenty.
(dodge journey)
i know im obsessing over the nissan rogue.
but seriously, thats a hard deal to ignore.

okie. im going to do a bomb, crack a girl beer and steal a smoke from ry.

32.

looks like i did something right! i got one person open to the idea of going to riverview, and now someone else is maybe coming with me on sunday.

man i hate allergies. my nose is stuffy, i have a sinus headache, my throat hurts, my mouth is dry and my nose is all sore and raw from blowing it into an entire box of tissues over the course of the day.

and lana starting cutting her right bottom tooth yesterday, still in the process today, the tooth is just starting to surface. but today, she started cutting her bottom left tooth. so shes got two teeth coming in, about a day apart. so im thinking im going to have to deal with yelling and screaming until friday or saturday.

ugh butt load of moms day cards to send out tomorrow.
better finish addressing and sealing and stamping those now, and then.. to BED!

31.

oh man so i need to have a cook out. ive never liked BBQ before, and suddenly, post partum, im in love with pulled pork. more obsessed than love though. i crave it all the time, so i have a pork butt on my shopping list so i can make some homemade pulled pork. however, i cannot justify making an entire pork butt for 2 maybe 3 people.

i wish my house was more child friendly sometimes. unless i declare a babysitter night for a small group, i cant really host one here. we have like, two toys since lana is so little. and we havent baby proofed yet since she isnt mobile and ryans parents want to do all of it because they dont want to screw anything into the cabinets.

so ryan took me shopping today as an early part of my moms day gift. i guess he was planning on giving me $200 in gift cards so i could go shopping sometime with friends, but today lana set me off cause she was yelling all day (cutting he first tooth!) so when i had to get ready to go out, i flipped because i still dont really have a lot of clothes that fit right now. so he took me to the mall and told me we werent leaving until i had picked out 2 new outfits at the least. so i got two pairs of shirts and two tank tops. then at wal-mart when we were grocery shopping i got 3 more tanks and one more pair of shorts.

saturday im having moms day lunch with my step mom, and sunday ryan made reservations at ukai and is taking me to a movie too i guess. hes so sweet! i have to go get some moms day cards and gifts probably tomorrow. i hope ryan and dan carpool!! cause i forgot to do it today.

so yes, lana is finally cutting her first tooth. she had a little while line on her gum where a tooth would be, and a teeny hole on one side of that line. when the oragel calmed her down almost completely, i figured she really is. there will probably be a little tooth there tomorrow morning when i get her up!

man i hate allergy season! my throat hurts and im stuffy!! blah!!
i have to finish my grocery shopping anyway. gotta go to kroger for some meat and veggies.

thursday is going to suck. not only does ryan work, and smallville is at 8, the season finale of scrubs is 8:30, and CSI is at 9, BUT game one the the conference final red wings vs stars starts at 7:30. so i have no idea what were doing.

ok im going to go watch DDD. my antihistamines arent non-drowsy and are starting to kick in, so im going to hit the sack after this episode.

30.

so im all set up and ready for the small group saturday i think.

and i really love being completely ditched two days in a row. awesome.
top notch.
really great job.

sometimes i wonder why i bother with that anymore anyway.

anywho. i want sushi.
and i got my dress and shoes for my cousins wedding. lana needs shoes, and i want to get ryan a tie that matches either my dress, lanas dress, or somehow both.

speaking of which, 27 dresses is a great movie. very funny.