37.

my mom will be pulling into my driveway any minute.
the house is clean (enough)
and i haven't eaten yet because i dont want to have to clean more dishes.
lana is in a decent mood, laying in her playpen on the path to a nap.

i am paranoid as hell. i havent seen this woman who gave birth to me, told me i was never good enough, and then sent me away the first opportunity she had, in three years. three years. i didnt speak to her for almost a full year after the last time i saw her over a Christmas break, when every trace of my existance had been completely erased from the house i once called home in chesapeake, va. i was supposed to stay the night there, but i ended up begging my dad to come get me and never make me go back there again.

i have hated her for so long, i never wanted her back in my life. then i got married, and she just couldnt take the time off to come up for thr wedding. then i got pregnant, and she never bothered to pick up the phone to congratulate me. i was beyond furious.

now she has the sudden interest in meeting ryan and his parents, and having a part in lana's life.

i could be like her. hate her so much i rob my daughter of a relationship she may possibly be interested in one day with her grandmother. tell her just because this old pathetic woman begging to stay with us in an alcoholism downspiral may be my mother, but is in no way her grandmother and to simply call her anne... she didnt care when i told her i wanted to know her.

i could be like that, i could rob my daughter of that opportunity. but i wont.
no matter how much i hate my mother
i will never let that effect lana. because i am more mature than that.

although the day lana tells me she cant stand her grandma dana, i will be ecstatic.